The LORD reminded me yesterday of many years ago of Him calling me to prayer all night. Although I could hear the urgency of the call. There was always a nagging feeling that I needed someone else to be there to pray with me. Never ever had the feeling been put in check. Throughout my journey every assignment Abba Father entrusted me I found someone else to do it for me. This led to a downward spiral without realizing the needing and giving it to someone else was really a spirit of rebellion. Also, with regards to praying throughout the night was really a personal walk of intimacy with Abba Father.
Hidden deep and embedded in the chambers of my heart were traumatic experiences which held me captive and laden with sin. Without realizing it I was a slave to fear and tried to please everyone. Something far sinister was happening! No matter what was coming against me I refused to fight back or even respond. However, the call to pray throughout the night continued persistently. One night I was awakened by this audible word, “Procrastination is the thief of time!” My response was, “O yes! As I focused on my husband’s clothes. I will get up and iron them.” From shortly after midnight to 6: a.m. as I ironed the last piece of clothing frustration crept in and instantly the overwhelming fleeing swept over me of misunderstanding what Abba Father meant. Procrastination had now gotten a foothold in my life which opened the door for laziness, but God would not let me go. God knew though I was not serving Him whole heartedly nevertheless in a dream that shocked me to the core of my being and seemed so real! I was running rapidly on a straight road but despite the speed an unseen hand was cutting off the road ahead so there was no more road for me to run on. I was then placed in a box, fighting desperately to get out but saw myself ascending upward into a place where I climbed into an unknown place. A man stood guarding a gate and many people entered but a message sounded in the atmosphere saying, ‘Tell her is not time for her to come in here yet!” I awakened and found myself battling for my life. The doctors had opted to perform major surgery, it was the year 2000 just before the scheduled operation in the middle of the night; I was awakened in excruciating pain. Audibly I heard, “Get up and read Psalm 118!” What a task but in desperation, I was able to crawl to the front room however, the pain was so severe, I opted to read Psalm 117 which only had two verses and is the shortest Psalm in the Bible. Startled by Abba Father’s response, “I told you to read Psalm 118!” Instantly as I obeyed something miraculously happened while reading verse (17) “I shall not die, but live; and declare the works of the LORD.” Abba Father gave me further instructions to write this verse of scripture and place it on the wall of my bedroom and bathroom. Obedience is key to being delivered and to receive healing. The spirit of procrastination was still operating in my life, and I neglected to follow those instructions, but God always extends His grace and mercy! A day before what could have been a fateful day. A nudge from the LORD sent me running with haste to carry out those instructions and to place them strategically in my bedroom and bathroom. Late the same evening a horrible pain afflicted my body and while I cried out in anguish for pain killers even morphine from deep within, I heard, “Turn your face to the wall and read my Word!” My body was being pulled out of the bed. Abba Father intervened, “Verbalize My Word! While I fought to remain there from my lips flowed strongly, “I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the LORD!” A miracle happened! The Word became Spirit and Life, and, in an instant, I leaped out of my bed and ran into the bathroom and there was the WORD again, “I shall not die but live to declare the works of the LORD.” O what radiance filled my entire being. Healing had taken place only to hear Abba Father say, “You will still have to go into surgery.” I did not want to go. Unknown to me this was foretelling of the inner healing which was desperately needed. I was stuck on the stairs of my past. In desperation I turned to Abba Father and asked. “Why am I so fearful and jumpy, where is all this fear is coming from? Recently a recurring vision would awaken me during the wee hours of the morning. In a two-level house a frail little girl stood and would not move. I asked the LORD, “Who is that fragile little girl? He did not reply. The next night in a dream showed the same little girl and her mother asleep on a bed on the second floor. An unseen force rolled both her and her mother onto the floor. The mother managed to stand to her feet, but a fight ensued, and the force threw the little girl’s mother down the stairs! Motionless the little girl stood at the top of the stairs watching helplessly as her mother fell, the impact was devastating. The LORD revealed the fear and timidity was coming from this dark place, almost immediately I went into denial and suppression and had a tough time coming to terms with the startling revelation. Several months later and I have not been able to move forward until this moment of putting pen to paper. Humbly I have come to terms with the frail little girl at the top of the stairs as she watched her mother being thrown down the stairs and laid motionless. While I wept, I asked Abba Father to heal me of this traumatic experience which had kept me withdrawn. Afraid to speak or even move or express myself. Today I am closing the door to my past and soaring to my place of destiny!
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